Lost in My Head: A Week's Worth of Bed-Rest

After a week living like a middle-aged woman with a bad back - confined to home and the promises of a medical prescription, these are some observations:
1) Vlasic pickles really are the crunchiest.
2) I still can't stand Bobby Flay.
3) Doing taxes stinks - and can lead to sporadic meltdowns. Trying to get a hold of your financial advisor is a lost cause and can lead to annoyance fits.
4) Watching "The Mirror Has Two Faces" will spur tears - lots of 'em - some because you're wallowing in self-pity, most because you're watching "The Mirror Has Two Faces" on a Friday night.
5) Hitting a diner for the daily excursion with a friend and her baby makes you look like a lesbian couple... so much so, that people ask us both about the baby - like I'm supposed to know stuff...
6) Maureen Dowd's book "Are Men Necessary?" is living up to its title.
7) You know you should just up and move to the Jersey 'burbs when you pray that "48 Hours Investigates" will be on next.
8) Not wearing any makeup for a week has really opened up my pores.
9) I'm getting more gray hairs - several have cropped up on my crown... and I can name every breaking news story that planted them.
10) They sell stamps at the deli across the street - so sweet!
11) My Cosmopolitan rag's horoscope prediction says 'Come October, you'll meet a sweet guy with whom you might swap I-dos with some day.' Great... October...
12) My A-Zone text horoscope this week says I'll discover news which will "bring sorrow." Even more Great.
13) The Roxy is closing - and I'm teetering between pissed and sad. It's some serious 'break-up pain.'
14) Heather once told me this - and I'm starting to buy it: Guys in this city have it made. There are more great girls out there than guys, and the men here know it.
15) The pharmacist at the Penn Station Duane Reade is the best. His name is Herbert and he winked at me after he told me not to drink alcohol with my muscle relaxers. Did the wink mean it would be fun to drink alcohol with muscle relaxers? or did he wink because he knows I can toss a few back like a 1950s starlet?
16) No matter how you arrange your pillows to act as a knee cushion to take pressure off your back, you will wake up on your stomach with all the pillows all over the floor.
17) When you're sick or disabled, what you really want is a boyfriend... or someone who won't let your watch "The Mirror Has Two Faces."
18) Why don't they keep waterproof mascara on the sets of Spanish soap operas?