How to Throw a Protest

Saturday 4:04pm et
Watching the ANSWER Coalition's antiwar rally, and man - is it boring. Since these demonstrations are becoming more common as our troops stay planted in Iraq, seems they should distinguish and streamline themselves a bit better. After all, if you were getting your St. Patty's Day on, you probably didn't even know an antiwar protest was going on... right?
Some suggestions:
1) Only have a few, critical, show-stopping people speak - and make a schedule of when these people will speak. This guarantees media coverage at critical points in the demonstration, which of course, is what protestors want.
2) Don't scream into microphones. After all, the purpose of a microphone is to amiplify your voice. When you scream into it, overmodulated audio is the result - and that's not used or cool.
3) Have neat graphics or a sign behind you - to make your message visually stimulating. Don't just stand at the podium with a bunch of random people standing behind you. Chances are, we'll be more distracted by trying to find notable people milling about behind you, and won't hear anything you have to say.
4) Like Whitney Houston, I believe the children are our future. I do not, however, believe they need to speak at a political rally. Using them to voice your opinions seems a serious stunt to their personal growth. Let them form their opinions - don't give them ones. (Exception: the late Mattie Stepanek)
5) Make sure your protests have ONE, SINGLE unified theme. The worst is the IMF protests, where there are hundreds of different signs - on everything from antiwar to monetary aid packages to PETA to vendors' rights. Please get your stories straight, and your message will appear thousands strong.
6) Don't be violent and don't put black masks on your heads to foreshadow violence.
7) Stay hydrated, as you'll be walking or standing for a long time.
8) If you can, do the protest on a weekday - during rush hour, as this will impact the most number of area residents - making you and your cause very visible. Weekend protests peter out fast, and don't impact residents at all.
9) Don't let politicians speak if you can help it. They will eat up a ton of time, thank a million people before getting started, and have a muddied message. Not worth it.
10) And finally, if you're heading into a town for a protest, make sure you bathe and are considerate of where you're staying. My friend Alexis once had to Fabreze a bunch of protestors from CA, as they slept on her living room floor before a big IMF rally.