Shuttle Diplomacy DOES Pay Off

SHUTTLE DIPLOMACY
So about the same time Condi was shuttling between Olmert and Abbas in the Middle East - my neighbor-friend Kenny was shuttling between me and the 2nd party of the former Wye River Peace Summit - still hoping for a reconciliation of some sort. And as Condi/Olmert/Abbas shuttle diplomacy appears to be resulting in face-to-face negotiations, Kenny might get the same result.
WYE RIVER
As you may or may not recall - dated a guy for 2 months last Fall - grew close, and then he pulled The Fadeaway. I was hurt, upset, pissed - all negative feelings. But in an effort to be mature about it, sought closure in an effort to remain friendly in the future (because seriously - we had ONLY dated for 2 months). He didn't respond - or became tardy with his responses, and I gave up trying to be civilized. Well, after a long recent talk with Kenny on the matter (Wye River's best friend) - I decided to call him on behalf of Kenny - who just wants us all to be friends. I left a friendly voicemail message on Tuesday - and lo and behold - get a voicemail call back today! These are serious developments folks, as I thought he had permanently moved to Cowardville. Looks like some sort of talks will occur in the future - though, I'm not exactly sure when. Will keep you posted of this most interesting international development.
THE NEIGHBOR-FRIEND
As stated above - Kenny is my neighbor-friend, which I find the most rare of my NYC friends because of their "last-minute capabilities". After all, Manhattan is a big, wild place - people have crazy plans and are sometimes unreachable. This fact sometimes results in laborious coordination when trying to link up with people for Happy Hours, dinner dates, etc... The neighbor-friend is different because he or she is the one who can meet you on the fly - like at a Diner for dinner or a hungover day movie. They are priceless. Well, Kenny and I were a solid neighbor-friend bet a few weeks ago. Then, he got himself a girlfriend. And this girlfriend sounds pretty demanding in terms of time and requests. And this girlfriend lives in Queens. And I miss my neighbor-friend. Bye Kenny.

Called Out

Everyone has his or her own way when dealing with cat callers or homeless beggers. Whether it's ignoring the pleas or saying something like, "Sorry pal" - we've all been there, especially in NYC. I, however, like to occassionally turn the tables on the person trying to get my attention - by pretending I'm Italian and saying "Non Capito" which means "I don't understand." This usually results in the person feeling embarrassed and shrinking away. I say usually because this method didn't work on Tuesday.
While passing a couple of guys hanging out behind Port Authority, one of them said "Hey Baby. You got a minute?" I said "Non capito" and kept walking. He then responded in fluent Italian, fluid and fast. Embarrassino.

Nothing Special

Sometimes I still can't believe I live here...
Nothing Special:
1) Can someone please explain the flashback to Twiggy when it comes to this Spring's fashion line? I was in H&M yesterday - and looked like an Oompa-Loompa by the time I had wrestled on a 60's pattern, curveless tunic with poofy bell sleeves. I looked ridiculous, as there's only one body type that can handle it - a boobless Twiggy.
2) Speaking of H&M - you should only go to the one in Herald Square when it's not crowded... which is never.
3) Went perfume shopping for a great new Spring scent yesterday. I came out with shampoos and skin creams and more eyeliner... just in case my current shampoos and skin creams and eyeliner were destroyed in a fire when I was out getting all this stuff that I don't need.
4) I really don't need retail people dishing out their opinion. I was recently in Borders and picked up Beowulf and The Bell Jar. Guy at the check-out asked if I needed a gift card and I said "No, they're both mine." He answered back, "Really? That's interesting." I felt judged and misunderstood and kinda rotten. And it was a bookstore guy telling me all this through inflection and tone injected into that one single question. I hate guys at bookstores, for many reasons...
5) My friend Heather is doing some experiment where she doesn't use shampoo, but other household items like baking soda and stuff to get her scalp to a healthy state. As a result of this, that's-so-weird-I-have-to-do-it experiment, she gives constant updates on the state of her hair and what she's using. I am so tired of hearing about this 'poo-less experiment (she even designates whole blog entries to it) and can't wait until it's over. I have secret thoughts about "spilling" some shampoo on her head to stop the madness. Really Heather - get some Prell and call it a day.
6) Friend Brad and I had a wonderful time at a cafe near his apartment. We sat by a big window and stared out at the suits on Park Avenue. People-watching in this city is fascinating and never gets old. We sat there for more than 2 hours.
7) I still hate my gym. Still no ipod money.
8) From the I-could-be-doing-more-with-my-life category, I was out with a guy the other night who had a Bachelor's degree in Physics, a Master's in Theoretical Physics, and a PhD in Mathematics. Oh yeah - and he was once on the Belgian cycling team.
9) Old Navy stores have always smelled like armpits to me - so I haven't set foot in one in about 3 years. Yesterday, I waltzed into one to see if it still smelled like an armpit. Yep, it did.
10) Haven't heard back from Sid - since his "I-have-a-girlfriend-so-goodbye" letter. I think about him a lot, and since I have no visual on his new girlfriend - I imagine her as an acne-laden, toothless wonder with halitosis - just to boost my spirits.

I'm Just Saying

Been thinking of some underused phrases that I'd like to incorporate more into conversations and on the ol' blog. Consider this your key:
1) "How do you do?" upon meeting someone instead of "Hello" or "Nice to meet you." It's so civilized, and begs the listener to take my hand and kiss it.
2) "He's a wanker." This statement sounds right with British or Commonwealth accents. I can't pull it off - but I'm going to try.
3) One of my favorites is "He's a chud" - a statement coined by gal-pal Heather. Think "stud" with "chump" - and you'll know the reference. Yeah - it's the guy who's standing in line at the velvet rope - begging to get into the club.
4) "Quicker than 2 shakes of a lamb's tail." I'm not really sure about this phrase's origin - but I like it because it evokes confusing imagery... of which I'm a big fan.
5) My grandmother's from the Deep South - so I've heard some ringers from her through the years. One that makes me laugh to myself is "Fiddlesticks!" when she really means the swear word starting with the letter "F." It's just funny coming from my Mamaw... who, in her 80's - is so hip she has a myspace page. Really, she does.
6) Friend Alex always says "Story of my life, right?" when she's had a not-so-great experience. I love this phrase, because as humans - we keep repeating patterns and behaviors that get us into predicaments when the only way we can sum something up is to use "Story of my life, right?"
7) That's a "Sticky Wicket." Again - from the great Brits - and I'm at a loss to its origin, though I'm thinking cricket? Anyway, I think it implies "bad situation" but I'm so not sure... and I'm just going to toss it around at will.
8) Did you "Alexis-Nexis" him? This comes from gal pal Alexis - who always used to Google/LexisNexis her prospective suitors. Hey, she found out a guy she was dating was a paid sperm donor via this method... so it got the job done of causing complete obsession/fascination with his salary and lifestyle.
9) "Sorry - My Dance Card's Full." I just like throwing this at guys on the prowl. Every time I've used it, the guy has completely shut down and scratched his head and walked away in confusion. Awesome.
10) "Need the deets" for 'details.' Yeah - it's pretty annoying, but also serves as the precursor to shortening down anything that's longer than one syllable.
11) "For-shizzle" ala Snoop Dogg. My MOTHER said this once to me in casual conversation, and coming from my Mom - a baby boomer with a professional job and demeanor - it was HILARIOUS.
12) "Yeah, right?" Total New York/Jersey saying - and I secretly sometimes want to morph into a NYC street-tough.
13) He's an "upstanding citizen." I don't really want to use this phrase but just find it redundant. After all, when you're 'standing,' aren't you also 'up'? Weird.
14) "To the Gallows!" This is so medieval - it just works.
15) "Raddle your Dags" - from NZ Sid . It means "Get Up and Moving" but sounds way cooler.

Camp Run Amok

I'm not going to candy-coat it... my life sucks at current:

1) I hate my gym. They swiped my debit card instead of my credit card for my mega-expensive personal training sessions, resulting in a very unpleasant surprise at the ATM machine on Tuesday.

2) I hate my gym. Because I called three times Tuesday, two times Wednesday and twice yesterday to sort out the credit card fumble - and I'm still awaiting a call back. 'Jasmine' at the front desk took the messages. But it appears 'Jasmine' didn't do anything with those messages. I finally got in touch with my personal trainer last night, who then got in touch with the Head of Trainers - who then called me. She says she'll take care of it today... but it's Friday and this mayhem isn't over. We'll see. Also - someone should fire 'Jasmine'

3) I hate my gym. They still haven't refunded me for my stolen ipod, and my trainer told me 'Jasmine' was at the front desk when the crime occurred. I've decided that in protest of 'Jasmine,' I will never wear the jasmine scent. In protest of my gym, I will not even date a guy named Jim or wear any jewelry containing a gem for 2 months.

4) Biggest blow: After a long stint of no communication which led to some concern on my end, ex-boyfriend Sid in NZ finally shot me an email. It was uncharacteristically matter-of-fact and void of our usual fun rapport. The same email said he now has a girlfriend and that he's unable to take extended calls from me. I am devastated; I really have lost my best friend. All I want to do is bury myself under bed covers and cry.

The way my luck's going - he will marry this girl, and stop any communication altogether - like most of my guy friends do.

5) Went to JMU alumni event last night with Sarah - and we were the oldest class contingency there, which sucked. There are only so many times you can talk about the fire drills at Eagle Hall before wanting to slit your own wrists. We left bored and drunk. Sarah grabbed a car service and I walked home in the rain.

There will be lots and lots and lots of alcohol, carbs, and M&Ms in my future.

Busy, Busy!

Have a whole lot of fun going on:

Caught Rangers game on Monday night at MSG. It was awesome, but not as awesome as being in a bar after the game and having 4 Rangers players show up. The super-fan, desperado-girl show that followed was priceless, and I had a front-row seat to the messy tragedy!

Hit pub trivia last night, but our team "Summer's Eve" was no match for the dork crowd that showed up. We owned the current events round, but got served in the music round.

Rough day at work had me collapsing into a nice dinner with my good friend Brad. Our time together was therapeutic for the mind and soul, and he always gets me smiling again!

JMU alumni event on the roster for tomorrow night, and the weekend has some good ol' fashioned trouble on the radar! Who's in?

I'll Always Have Craig...

Allison

Reply to: pers-298239397@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-03-21, 11:15PM EDT


You've captured my heart...
Now give it back!!!

Wait no!!!
Okay, keep it...

Scary St. Patty's

My chest tightened, I clutched my purse close to my core, and I just concentrated on breathing. That's right, I was headed into the heart of Queens, and I was a little scared.

I was scared because our car on the 7 train was filled with the most unsavory characters, and the standouts were sitting across from us. It was a couple - a man and woman. The woman was crying, and the man was ignoring her whimpers. Yep, a battered woman - and it was an awful scene to watch. She had watery eyes, gazing for his approval. He was listening to an ipod, ignoring her advances of touch and glance. He had a gold grill, lots of gold chains, a pencil-thin beard; guido top to bottom. Then, it got gross...

The woman (girlfriend, wife, whatever) starts popping a zit on his face! Alex and I look at each other with the common thought: "Are we seeing this right?!" I look back to make sure - and yes, she's using her two acrylic nailed paws to pop a zit on his face! Alex can't watch anymore, but I'm glued to the mess because it's like watching two chimpanzees cleaning each other. Then, after she pops the zit - she shows him what she squeezed out of his face! Alex again buries her head into my shoulder, but I can't look away. Then, this woman goes to another area of this guy's face and proceeds to pop another zit! We ran (and I mean RAN) off the train at our stop and didn't look back. Unsavory characters indeed.

Now Alex and I are in Queens... and we feel pretty much like fish out of water. Neither of us knows where we're going, it seems dark and 'murky' - and we're still processing the woman picking her man's face.

Now, you may ask yourself - what are 2 Manhattan girls doing Queens at all? We're in Queens for St. Patty's Day - a pub crawl invitation extended by Heather, who had promised to buy us beers for every Irishman we french-kissed. Woodside part of Queens is known for its large Irish population. Always up for the adventure, Alex joins in the fun... which is rapidly becoming not-so-fun.

We make it to the first bar 'Donovan's Pub' and plop down amid lots more guidos and pray that none hit on us (Alex wisely advises: "Don't lock eyes with ANYONE but me). In the meantime, we've worked up stories to sell ourselves to these Irishmen we're supposed to kiss for free Heather-beer. I work at INS, and Alex works at Conan O'Brien... putting us in GREAT position to get some action. Bar stinks - bartenders aren't even Irish, and there are a ton of old alcoholics there. We down 3 beers each until Heather and her boyfriend arrive.

We all then decide to hit the next bar, Saints & Sinners - which is filled with drunkards. We find seats and I tell Alex to find boys at the bar and send them to me (apparently, I'm a queen at this point and Alex is tasked with filling my court full of hardy, Irishmen). She brings over two guys and they're from ECUADOR. Not the Irishmen I'm looking for... She sends over another guy, who holds out his hand and says, "I hear you read palms." Thanks a lot Alex. I slide into physic/palm reader role and give him a free reading - impressed at even myself for the very real part I'm now playing. We talk his strong life line, how his relationship will crumble in a couple years, but that after he picks up the pieces - he'll find love again. He buys it all, but he's a little too "pierced and tattoo'd" for me, so I send him along.

Now, while Alex is still trying to find guys - flitting and flirting her way around the bar - Heather, her boyfriend and I are talking. Heather tries to impress us by lighting a match on a matchbook with one hand. She does it, and says "The coolest thing is when you can slide the lit match across the table to someone who needs a light." She shows us this maneuver, and the flaming matchbook falls into my lap. Like a stunt guide for The Matrix, I react almost immediately - afraid to have my crotch afire. She laughs through apologies, as I still process the misfortune which could have seriously happened. I then try the matchbook "trick", and burn my finger. Great. Now I'm dousing my burnt finger in beer - I'm sure that's attractive to the men-folk.

Alex doesn't find any suitors for us, so we bought all our own beer. Heather's ex-boyfriend, ToxicMike, shows up randomly and sits next to her current boyfriend, which was really weird because THEY LOOK ALMOST EXACTLY LIKE EACH OTHER. Heather then remarks that my mouth is "super-cute" and I still don't know what that was about. Amid all the confusion and burnt finger and Irish deficiency, Alex and I decide to bolt - and after another Heather hug-fest by a bar bathroom, we were out the door and into a gypsy cab bound for Manhattan.

A Little More About You

Aquarius (January 20-February 18):
You're so busy being busy that you don't do anything effectively, and
your absent-mindedness doesn't help. Jack of all trades, Master of
none. Why don't you go buy yourself some feelings you tactless robot!

Pisces (February 19-March 20):
How about some cheese with that whine! You're a martyr in your own
delusional world. That could change if you only had an ounce of
ambition! You're probably already crying because you're too damm
sensitive.

Aries (March 21-April 19):
You're a tyrant, and that's one of your better qualities! You don't
finish anything you start. You're so damm competitive that even if there's no competition you'll invent one in your head just so you can
say "See! I won! See how great I am?"

Taurus (April 20-May 20):
Your jealousy and possessiveness gets old REAL quick! Nobody likes you because all you talk about is yourself, and you're boring.

Gemini (May 21-June 20):
You're a flake and you're two-faced. You think the world owes you and because of this attitude you'll be in debt the rest of your life. You have no intention of growing up.

Cancer (June 21-July 22):
You're a moody little b!tch...and that goes especially for the men!
You can't give a straightforward answer. Stop your crying, you big
baby! Nobody cares!

Leo (July 23-August 22):
You're lazy and you expect everything to be handed to you on a silver
platter. You're always b!tching about something. You need to be
knocked off the pedestal you put yourself on and realize the world
does NOT revolve around you!

Virgo (August 23-September 22):
You need to quit picking apart other people's flaws and worry about
your own. After all, nobody asked you! You're prude and prissy
and you need to stop being so damn picky.

Libra (September 23-October 22):
You're an airhead when it comes to money. You can't make a decision and actually stick to it to save your life! You are gullible and naive and don't learn from your mistakes. You don't care about anything and you flirt too much.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21):
All you do is brood and lead a life of havoc. You like to choose
friends with low self-esteem that have more problems than you do. It
makes you feel powerful. So do your "strings attached" favours.
You're too secretive and demanding...and it p!sses
everyone off!

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21):
All you do is drink and gamble. You have to rely on your luck because
you have no skills. Like Aries, you don't finish anything you start.
You can't commit to save your life! You suck.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19):
Why don't you stop trying to manage everyone else's life and worry
about your own! Your need to control and meddle in other people's
lives makes you very unpopular.

My Life Without A Soundtrack

Gym is only going to credit my gym membership, not give me a new nano - after they lost my music!!

In fact, somewhere right now, someone out there is enjoying my ipod - and that really makes me red. We're talking steaming red - in fact, almost maroon because the crimson has burned so much with anger. Someone out there is rejoicing in their find, an oasis of great artists and songs - carefully selected by me. Someone has a soundtrack to their life, their moods - their neighborhoods while I have nothing... mute. Someone out there doesn't understand the inside joke etched on the back, an insult to not one, but two Brownes - me and my brother.

In fact, I talked to Chris last night about this traumatic loss, and that someone out there best be glad the Navy beast that is my brother is not here in New York. Because if he was, he would track you down using his SEALS training GPS pysche, pummel you down a sewer, wrap that ipod earphone wire around your feet, and dangle you from the front of my apartment building. Every day, I would instruct all of my doormen to use you as a punching bag, while I laughed and danced in a broom skirt to Dolly Parton on my ipod in front of you. I would even invite my girlfriends over every night, and they would lob obscenities at you between spitting contests. Yep, I'm pretty mad.

How to Throw a Protest

Saturday 4:04pm et
Watching the ANSWER Coalition's antiwar rally, and man - is it boring. Since these demonstrations are becoming more common as our troops stay planted in Iraq, seems they should distinguish and streamline themselves a bit better. After all, if you were getting your St. Patty's Day on, you probably didn't even know an antiwar protest was going on... right?
Some suggestions:
1) Only have a few, critical, show-stopping people speak - and make a schedule of when these people will speak. This guarantees media coverage at critical points in the demonstration, which of course, is what protestors want.
2) Don't scream into microphones. After all, the purpose of a microphone is to amiplify your voice. When you scream into it, overmodulated audio is the result - and that's not used or cool.
3) Have neat graphics or a sign behind you - to make your message visually stimulating. Don't just stand at the podium with a bunch of random people standing behind you. Chances are, we'll be more distracted by trying to find notable people milling about behind you, and won't hear anything you have to say.
4) Like Whitney Houston, I believe the children are our future. I do not, however, believe they need to speak at a political rally. Using them to voice your opinions seems a serious stunt to their personal growth. Let them form their opinions - don't give them ones. (Exception: the late Mattie Stepanek)
5) Make sure your protests have ONE, SINGLE unified theme. The worst is the IMF protests, where there are hundreds of different signs - on everything from antiwar to monetary aid packages to PETA to vendors' rights. Please get your stories straight, and your message will appear thousands strong.
6) Don't be violent and don't put black masks on your heads to foreshadow violence.
7) Stay hydrated, as you'll be walking or standing for a long time.
8) If you can, do the protest on a weekday - during rush hour, as this will impact the most number of area residents - making you and your cause very visible. Weekend protests peter out fast, and don't impact residents at all.
9) Don't let politicians speak if you can help it. They will eat up a ton of time, thank a million people before getting started, and have a muddied message. Not worth it.
10) And finally, if you're heading into a town for a protest, make sure you bathe and are considerate of where you're staying. My friend Alexis once had to Fabreze a bunch of protestors from CA, as they slept on her living room floor before a big IMF rally.

You Snooze, You Lose... your job!

Alex introduced me to Barcibo Enoteca tonight - an italian-type place on Broadway, in the UWS. The paninis are fantastic, and the vibe is ultra sexy. Think guys in suits, girls in heels, and a couple of blondes in the corner with too much wine. Thanks Alex for her unwavering commitment to trying new places. Our experiences are starting to make this huge, wide city seem small! As for the conversation, we talked a ton of shop - so I won't bore you with the CNN/ABC News blitz... except for the fact that the noon WABC anchor got canned for sleeping on the job! http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv/2007/03/14/2007-03-14_wabc_anchor_snoozes_and_loses_his_job-3.html

Ladies, I Give You 'The Fadeaway'

Not long ago, I dated a guy who had a habit of calling from pay phones. He said cell phones were rude and caused brain cancer, and he’d call from loud street corners to murmur intimate things into my ear. One night, I was sitting at home thinking about him when the phone rang. I heard horns blaring. “Dan?” I purred.

“How’ve you been?” he said. We started catching up, and just as I asked him when he wanted to get together, his money ran out. The operator said to insert another dime. “I’m not sure I have one!” he shouted, and then he was gone. I waited a few minutes, calculating the amount of time it would take him to run into a bodega and get change. After five minutes, I decided the first bodega wouldn’t give change so he’d had to walk a few more blocks to a restaurant or a store. A half-hour passed. Then a few hours. After three days, I broke down and left him a message, saying I hoped he hadn’t been hit by a truck. He called back to say his ex-girlfriend had moved back in with him and not to call again. I realized then that she might have moved in weeks before, and that his final pay-phone call had been his cowardly attempt to wriggle out of my life without an official breakup talk. He’d been trying to pull one of the most insidious and common New York City dating practices: a fadeaway.

With the rise of Internet dating has come a new carelessness about dating etiquette, and serial daters are increasingly choosing to beg out of mediocre relationships by cutting off all contact. Generally, it’s the man who pulls the fadeaway, since the onus is usually on him to call. And though most fadeaway victims agree that it’s acceptable after a few dates, what’s surprising is just how many people end long-term relationships this way. It seems the breakup talk is a thing of the past.

Bryan, a marketing executive, 35, is one recent victim: “Last fall, I met this guy out at a bar, and we totally hit it off. He said he had just gotten over a relationship and didn’t want to get in anything serious. I was like, ‘Fine.’ We went out all of September, he went away in October, and we lost a little momentum. Then Thanksgiving came, we each went home and came back, and he would not return my phone call. I was like, ‘You rat bastard! I cannot believe you are trying to do a fadeaway after two months!’ I wrote this scathing e-mail a page long. Of course I received no response.”

He says that in any dating situation, even a short-term one, he would always prefer a courtesy call. “If you’re old enough to date, you’re old enough to say, ‘I’m not interested.’ Whatever their reasons are, they can keep them to themselves. But if someone doesn’t call, I’m left in this void that leaves me open to too much speculation. I become more self-critical.”

Heather, 31, who’s in magazine marketing, has had more than a few guys pull fadeaways on her—and says they’re a by-product of an overall lack of courtesy: “People don’t care. It’s a huge problem, especially in this city. It’s so bad that I’m actually waiting for a fadeaway right now. I’ve been on five dates with this guy, and I’m starting to feel like I’m never going to hear from him again. That would be awful, but I’m starting to expect it because it’s happened so often.”

Chris London, a 41-year-old lawyer, says he’s tried honesty—and it backfired: “I got set up with a friend of a friend, and almost immediately I knew that I didn’t want to sleep with her. We had some drinks and I dropped her off without trying anything. Later, I called her and she said, ‘Do you want to get together again?’ I said, ‘No, I didn’t really have a love connection, but I had a really good time with you.’ She said, ‘So let me get this right. You’re fucking calling me because you don’t want to go out? I don’t need any more friends.’ ”

These days, he’s not sure which approach is best: disclosure or avoidance. “In either case, they could be upset,” he says. “When you tell a woman there’s no chemistry, it means ‘I don’t find you attractive.’ Women don’t want to hear that. In some cases, leaving them in the dark is better. Then they can say ‘He’s a player’ and forget about it.”

Disappearing acts may be more common nowadays because in the age of Internet dating, people often get a false sense of intimacy through e-mail before they even meet. The woman who’s thrilled that Kazooguy is so hot in person may not know that he’s furious she posted such an outdated picture.

Some fadeaways happen because the two people really do have an intense connection, and then one of them reflects on it and gets scared. The same guy who asks you to spend the weekend with him on the second date is almost guaranteed to fall off the face of the planet before you ever reach the third. (This means you, Sullivan County Share House Boy.)

Those seeking to avoid fadeaways had better not sleep with a paramour early on, says Anastasia, a writer, 31: “If you sleep with the guy immediately, you almost have to assume he’ll fade away.” Anastasia has had three guys pull fadeaways—all men she met online—and found it infuriating. “I think when a fadeaway really is bullshit is when people start alluding to things down the line,” she says. “I dated this guy who said things like ‘It would be so much fun to take a road trip together.’ We went out four or five times, and then he never showed up to this party I invited him to . . . If men knew how bananas it drove us, they wouldn’t just cut off contact. It’s like that Glenn Close line: ‘I will not be ignored.’ ”

So what’s the mature alternative to disappearing? Anastasia thinks it’s e-mail. “E-mail is cowardly, but it’s so much better than nothing,” she says.

She is now seeing a man she met through mutual friends: “It was only when I started dating this guy who I didn’t meet online that the inconsistency stopped. He asked me out on dates and gave me no doubt about what he felt for me. I feel very lucky right now because he has behaved so well.” She pauses, as though trying to figure out what to make of it. “Maybe it all comes down to timing. Or maybe it’s because he’s Swedish.”

The Blind Tiger

Bend an elbow or both at The Blind Tiger's big opening today! Congratulations to Tim for fighting City Hall for that liquor license. Hit the title for the link, and get tapping!

Hip to the Scene

A new bookmark for all you hip gals here in the city...
http://girlsguidetocitylife.com/newyork/

Girls & Giggles

Giggle fit last night at "Twelfth Night" performance with Heather. I couldn't stop laughing, because the show was terrible and the costumes even worse. We laughed with silent, shaking shoulders throughout.

Daniela and I smelled an amazingly sweet aroma while walking past Pozzo bakery on 9th today, so we HAD to walk in. We browsed the sweet delights, as well as the very cute baker boy. When we left, I joked I should have asked if he had any buns I could taste. We laughed and laughed until the next block.

Sarah and I hit Ariba, Ariba for mexican tonight - which always means a lot of fun margaritas too. In my opin, Ariba, Ariba is the best mexican restaurant around. The waiters are some of the most gorgeous gay men in this city, so we had eye candy for dessert. Sarah slipped into tipsy-gal while we plotted April Fool's Day pranks, and I wanted to make a fashion arrest for the shirt violation at the next table.

Thanks ladies for making the last couple of days so memorable, so fun, and and so right!

Sicky Sucky

Doc follow-up for the back today - and everything appears to be back in working order. The craziest thing, though, is that I've been infected with something else entirely!
Doctor: "We got results when you did the routine blood tests last week."
Allison: "Oh yeah?"
Doctor: "Yes, and results are interesting."
Allison: "Okay... what does that mean?"
Doctor: "Did you know that you recently had mono?"
Allison: "Really?"
Doctor: "Yes, did you feel tired/worn out at all recently?"
Allison: "I'm always usually worn out - but that's just a result of my lifestyle."
Doctor: "Well - you had mono."
Bummer - had I known I had mono, I DEFINITELY would have taken off work... and for like 2 weeks too!

Back in Allison Action!

Week of bed-rest and muscle relaxers have got me feeling a whole lot better. Not 100% back - but pretty good overall. Walked upright for the first time in a week, and am ready to meet Sonja in the gym tomorrow. I don't think I'll need to get surgery again - but that's for the doc to call. Fingers firmly crossed. Bummer is I still can't can't wear heels, though, which has been a blistering lesson in the reality that I'll never be taller than 5'4" flat-footed.
So ladies - get your roller skates out or bowling shoes on or beer pitchers filled - 'cause I'm back, and there's so much to do!

Me - Intimidating??

Last week at a restaurant, Sarah and I got into a conversation with 2 guys at a table next to us. They were on a date - and intoxicated, but amusing. They were very flattering with their comments to both of us... and then the conversation came to self-reflecting halt with this:
RANDOM: "Allison, honey - what do you do?"
SARAH: "She works for ABC News."
RANDOM: "Really?! That's awesome. Such a competitive field and you look so young. What do you do?"
(I smile - I do look kinda young!)
ALLISON: "I do editing, producing stuff."
SARAH: "She's been working in her field since we were in college."
(I smile - my social security checks are gonna rock!)
RANDOM: "Is your boyfriend in the media too?"
(music stops, lights turn off, flowers die)
ALLISON: "Oh I don't have a boyfriend."
RANDOM: "Are you serious?!?"
ALLISON: "Yep, but have a ton of bad dates" (lame attempt at saving face and being funny)
RANDOM: "I know why you don't have a man."
(ears perk, sit up straight)
RANDOM: "It's because you work at ABC News. Guys are totally intimidated by you. I would be if I were straight. You should just tell guys you work in retail or something."

That night, as I settled into bed - I thought about it (okay, obsessed about it) - and since I've tried everything else I can think of in terms of dating a whole host of different people - why not Random's suggestion? I've heard men say that dating successful women is emasculating - but never really processed it until now. Why don't I experiment with Random's suggestion to see if it holds weight?

These are what I've come up with:
I re-pot plants at Chelsea Garden Center.
I'm a clerk at Papyrus Paper Store
I'm an usher at Lincoln Center
Hit me with your choice - I'll let it ride the next 2 weeks - and let you know how it goes.

You - Yeah, You

Dear Dude on the 1 Train north, approx. 11:15am:
Your personal hygiene regiments in public disgust me. Yeah you, in the gray cap and frayed cordoroys. I just want to get this out - because it's there, like a disrespectful back-talking teen in need of a good grounding. Please stop spit-shining your shoes in public. And also - please don't EVER AGAIN clip your fingernails on the train. It's wrong, and the next time I see you do it - I will take that nail clipper file to your neck.

Totally There

VMC II
2007-03-20 08:00:00pm
Teams of brave competitors will go head-to-head in the world's only competitive eating vending machine event. This contest unites gastronomical expertise, speed eating, physical dexterity, athletic skill, and sheer consumption strategy. Each team must rise to the following task: to consume the entire contents (minus packaging) of a standard vending machine. Upon the referee's signal the competitors will be given a stockpile of dollar bills and change, and begin feeding currency into their machines while carefully selecting their eating approach.

The first team to successfully eat the entire contents of the vending machine will be declared the winner. The night will be structured like a prize boxing fight, with an exhibition match and a main event. Competition eaters have asked that the details of their involvement not be publicized at this time.

This event is sanctioned by the Global League of Competitive Consumers (glocc.org), and will be featured on their website and their international competitive eating calendar.

Lost in My Head: A Week's Worth of Bed-Rest

After a week living like a middle-aged woman with a bad back - confined to home and the promises of a medical prescription, these are some observations:
1) Vlasic pickles really are the crunchiest.
2) I still can't stand Bobby Flay.
3) Doing taxes stinks - and can lead to sporadic meltdowns. Trying to get a hold of your financial advisor is a lost cause and can lead to annoyance fits.
4) Watching "The Mirror Has Two Faces" will spur tears - lots of 'em - some because you're wallowing in self-pity, most because you're watching "The Mirror Has Two Faces" on a Friday night.
5) Hitting a diner for the daily excursion with a friend and her baby makes you look like a lesbian couple... so much so, that people ask us both about the baby - like I'm supposed to know stuff...
6) Maureen Dowd's book "Are Men Necessary?" is living up to its title.
7) You know you should just up and move to the Jersey 'burbs when you pray that "48 Hours Investigates" will be on next.
8) Not wearing any makeup for a week has really opened up my pores.
9) I'm getting more gray hairs - several have cropped up on my crown... and I can name every breaking news story that planted them.
10) They sell stamps at the deli across the street - so sweet!
11) My Cosmopolitan rag's horoscope prediction says 'Come October, you'll meet a sweet guy with whom you might swap I-dos with some day.' Great... October...
12) My A-Zone text horoscope this week says I'll discover news which will "bring sorrow." Even more Great.
13) The Roxy is closing - and I'm teetering between pissed and sad. It's some serious 'break-up pain.'
14) Heather once told me this - and I'm starting to buy it: Guys in this city have it made. There are more great girls out there than guys, and the men here know it.
15) The pharmacist at the Penn Station Duane Reade is the best. His name is Herbert and he winked at me after he told me not to drink alcohol with my muscle relaxers. Did the wink mean it would be fun to drink alcohol with muscle relaxers? or did he wink because he knows I can toss a few back like a 1950s starlet?
16) No matter how you arrange your pillows to act as a knee cushion to take pressure off your back, you will wake up on your stomach with all the pillows all over the floor.
17) When you're sick or disabled, what you really want is a boyfriend... or someone who won't let your watch "The Mirror Has Two Faces."
18) Why don't they keep waterproof mascara on the sets of Spanish soap operas?

Muscle Relaxers - Loopy!

Finally got into a doctor today - had 20 minutes to make appointment - so I hopped a cab and made it with seconds to spare. As always the case, you race there - but then are immediately sidelined with massive paperwork so you don't actually get in to see anyone for 45 minutes. Doctor asked all the appropriate questions, but she looked my age - which kind of freaked me out. [You know you're getting old when a) your doctors become younger than you, or b) professional athletes are way younger than you]. Anyway, Dr. Young Thang gave me a muscle relaxer prescription and referred me to an Otho. surgeon. The first available appointment for him was March 18th - ouch! I really hope my back corrects itself between now and then or I'll be in a world of hurt - and don't want to have to do an ER visit. Got my prescription filled, and headed home to let it ride. Popped it and passed out, and woke up feeling a bit better.
Got a fun call from my friend Jeff in DC tonight - which was nice. Can't believe I used to see him about once a week for more than 2 years - and now, just play catch-up over phone every 6 months or so. We took a trip down memory lane, recounting tons of nutty nights in the nation's capital. One of the funniest was when we solved nearly all the world's problems through debate and compromise over 8 margaritas each. He still says, "I can't believe we didn't write any of that down." Anyway, he's been working a ton, but hope he gets up for a visit soon, as there are always world problems to solve.
Shout out to Nicola & Jonathan for their newest arrival - a little boy born this morn. Hope they got my diaper genie.

Movie Buff

I did a lot of bed-rest today - putting a serious dent in Maureen Dowd's latest book and watching mind-numbing daytime television. I sure hope I start to feel better soon - as I don't know what's worse: looking like an elderly woman walking or not being able to accomplish anything because I'm not up to it. I had so much stuff I was supposed to do today - and feel a bit depressed since I couldn't even attempt a lot of it. I did break from the apartment tonight briefly - caught "Breach" at the movies down the block. Movie was alright - but I was constantly distracted because all the Catholic church scenes took place in an Episcopal church in DC - and I kept fidgeting to find a comfortable seating position. The movie trip did remind me though that "Blades of Glory" is getting ready to hit theaters soon - and I'm totally feeling that action.

Back Blues

Back still really hurts - but I've nursed it all day, so I'm still monitoring. Thanks to Alex for sending me NYC disc doctors - I have an appt. on Thursday. Ipod officially gone. Gym called and can't find it. Great.

My Skates, My Laces! - Seriously.

Think I'm in trouble. For any of you that don't know - a back injury can be quite serious. I re-injured my back recently - and this morning, I was unable to tie my left shoe without a massive shooting pain. Many of you might have had other injuries in your life - be it leg, knee, wrist, whatever... but you have never known the sheer pain of a back injury - an injury that effects every ounce of you - back, legs, hips, arms, shoulders, neck - everything really. I know this because I essentially broke my back when I was 14-yrs-old - and it left me temporarily paralyzed before an emergency room surgery to correct. So if you've ever heard pops or bangs in any part of your body, you have NEVER known waking up to the nonfeeling of your legs or feet or toes. I have lived it... and it humbles you to the core of your being.
Today, felt that sharp shooting pain down my left leg and knew I was in trouble. It became more agitated through the day - and my personal trainer Sonja noticed the wacky configuration of my back - saying it "definitely was not right." She thought my surrounding muscles were trying to compensate for the sciatic nerve problem - which was clearly the case in my mind. She massaged me out best she could - but still, the pain lingers. I am debating an MRI on Thursday - only because I had such a massive back surgery at such a young age and have never felt similar pain until now.
The other problem with my Sonja visit today was the fact that someone stole my ipod. Yep, the nano my baby brother had bought for me for my 30th birthday. Sonja had put it at the front desk at the gym - but as I was leaving - it was gone. I even called back later, and it still hadn't turned up. I had initially left the gym okay - confident that it would turn up. But it didn't an and after my follow-up call - I cried. It was a sentimental gift... with "My Skates, My Laces!" etched on the back. I was broken.
So here I am - with a "problem back" and a stolen ipod and a sentimental sadness. Sucks in the city.

Conversation with KFed

I just had a dream that I was getting the skinny on Britney and KFed's relationship from KFed himself. In this dream at a NYC bar, he told me when they met - they were on ecstacy all the time and couldn't shake it. He also told me that her umbrella-wielding episode was because she came over to his house for drugs but he wouldn't let her in because the kids would be too upset seeing their mother bald. Then I woke up and considered calling Star Magazine with this new bit of info. *On a related note - friends and I were discussing the fact that no one's seen Jayden James yet - he's still got a blanket over him most pictures. Could that mean that he's got a disability? Think about it - Britney and KFed split right after he was born. We all know that disabilities put tremendous strain on relationships. Also - I haven't seen ANY pictures of him - and he's getting to be photo-ready by celebrity standards. Just think about it...

Friday Night Lights

After visiting with Brandy around 5:30pm, I don't have any plans until 10pm - so I just kind of dip into Hell's Kitchen stores - browsing a bit and wondering why candles are so expensive these days. If anyone can enlighten me on the latter, I'd appreciate the insight.

I'm pulled away from the scented candle section of a home decor store by a text message from Heather: "At after-work drinks - go midtown east. Interested?"

I reply in favor and start to head east. Now, it's rush hour and I'm in the midtown - feeling the effects of workers escaping their weekday offices and tourists taking pictures and blocking traffic. It's like I've just been let out of a stadium, and I'm not making much progress on foot. So I hail and jump into a rickshaw. Yep, I became one of "those people."

The rickshaw ride is harrowing. My driver is ignoring every road rule and we're almost hit by a delivery truck. I hop out and throw him money - carrying on the last block myself.

Scene-setter: I'm in a tracksuit - straight from the gym. I walk in here:



So I get past the "I'm-Way-Too-Underdressed" feeling by quickly downing 2 vodka/tonics after finding Heather and her workmates. And let me tell you, her colleagues are crazy. First of all, EVERYONE had their blackberries plunked down on the table, which led to the inevitable "I-need-to-check-this-device-every-five-minutes" involuntary reflex.

One of Heather's bosses - Charles - has some serious ADD going on. This led to conversations taking on a certain "ping pong quality" which led to countless moments of confusion over topic, tone, and intention. When he got backed into a corner - forced to answer *2* questions on the same subject matter - he would start throwing things at people - like lime slices or salt or whatever was in front of him. Pretty soon, other people were throwing food at one another. Mind you, we are in fancy steakhouse and we are all adults.

The other boss - Peter - seemed easily offended by any comment made by anybody. I half-expected him to quote Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver: "You talkin' to me?" or go to blows with someone. He also had a "I'm-into-high-fashion-so-I'm-better-than-you" girl on his arm. I called out her snobbery when she told me she was from Virginia - and she didn't really like me for the rest of the night. Oh yeah, and she didn't even know who ABBA was. Lame.

Heather was inebriated after 2 martinis, and in a hug-fest outside the ladies room - she started crying. I didn't know how to respond, so I chalked it up to PMS and urged her to "pull it together." She also showed me how to walk a fashion runway and ran out of the place with a skullcap on.

Everyone discusses going to the next bar, but I'm still in a tracksuit and feel like funk. I decide to go home - and after an intoxicated shower where I struggle for balance, I'm dressed and back out the door in 45 minutes.

I meet up again with Heather's workmates at Back Fence in Village - and it's a dive. Peanut shells everywhere, 2 lame dudes horribly singing late 80s songs, and we have moved on to shots. Charles and I argued over greatest Hair Bands of all time, he kept requesting Poison, I painted Heather's eyelids with eyeliner, and yelled at some random guy for being mean to a girl in our group. We were a sad table.

I broke away from pack to hop in a cab to SoHo - to hit Anna's birthday party at M1-5. I was wasted, there were too many people, and I only stayed for an hour before back-track return to my new drinking buddy crew that is Heathers' coworkers.

We all picked up where we left off - Carey showed up like 3 hours late - and I think he was a bit surprised at how much alcohol was in Heather's system. Anyway, they retreated to a corner and did kissyface to really bad music. I told Charles that a girl in our group - Elena - was hot on his trail and was going to attack him once we left the bar... that led to people shoving her into a cab with me. Nice. Girl was insecure and kept asking me why her ex-boyfriend didn't want to take her back. She didn't have any cab money either. I was completely over her.

Stumbled to bed around 2am - forgot to take out my contacts - and woke up with a ripping headache. I sure hope Heather and her workmates invite me out again!

Friday Night Primer

I should have won an Endurance Award for yesterday:

1) Into work at 5:45am for a very busy Friday. Baseball team bus crash consumes us, as does AL Tornado aftermath. Tragedy at every corner, and very depressing news. On the up side, I did break my own editing record - pumped out 47 audio cuts on a regular shift. Felt accomplished, and added a skip to my step.

2) Train nightmares had me missing 2 locals because they were CRAMMED full of people. I emerge from subway and catch a cab home in a hurry - because I've got to change clothes and do quick turnaround for personal training session.

3) Personal training with Sonja is good for body and soul. At one point, when I was lifting weights in an awkward lunge position - my body asked me, "WHY are you doing this to me?" I ignored my body and pushed through what Sonja called our "Total Body Workout" - which today, has become "Total Body Sore"

4) Brandy's back in town for 2 weeks before her play goes on to St. Louis and Cincinnati. I got a snapshot of her when I stopped by a salon on my way back the gym. We caught up over her cuticles.

5) This is where the day/evening takes a turn. A time and place where madness and NYC moments enter the scene. Friday Night Lights deserves its own entry. Read on.