Sittin' in a Tree

On Saturday - Rob asked me to go steady and I said, "okay!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!

Believe It or Not!

When a tennis ball, 2 packs of pop rocks, 2 Diet Dr. Peppers, an Ecco Domani cork, package of Big League chew, and a candy watch sleeve are dumped out of your purse at the end of a night, you know you had fun!

Thanks Dan for a fun date - here's the picture of your Pickled Head in a Jar!

One Date = Scorned Stalker

So I went on one dinner date - one single date - with a guy who found me online. It was a friendly date, but you know - something was missing... like a connection.

After said date, I was subject to a barrage of emails-text messages from the guy. I'm a busy gal, and thus, I am not able to get back to him to let him know that something was missing for me... like a connection. I eventually do - and wish him well... thinking that I have handled it with respect, directly and completely.
Then I meet Jekyll/Hyde.

Not even a week later from first date, I was still getting emails.
These are in the span of 6 hours.

First One: "Are you ignoring me?"
Second one: "Where did you go?"
Third one was: "Do you ignore other guys like this?"
Fourth one was: "U free this weekend?"

I answer: "No, Sorry."

Fifth one: "Wow! Guess u had a change of heart huh? Were u just going to completely ignor me Allison??? Thanks for being an ASS! Take Care!"

Yep, this is my life. I'm just glad he doesn't know where I live.

Home Sick = Long Post

Home sick today, and while my limp body is too tired to move, my mind is still very much on warp speed. Let's catch everyone up:

I'm starting to think there's some Criss Angel mind-freak stuff regarding my dreams. As you all know, the American Idol Season 1 Runner-Up was in a recent dream I had. In the same dream, I was a firefighter and picked up ice cream. Well - that very same day I was assigned a segment on the American Idol business phenomenon - and how companies are branding products to be in sync with the show. Guess what company we had on? Dreyer's/Edy's Slow Churned ice cream. Apparently, ice cream has gotten on the Idol bandwagon; They have flavors like Orange-Inal, Cookies 'N Dreamz, etc... So the American Idol and ice cream aspects of my dream the night before were realized. When it comes to the firefighting aspect - I got home that night, and my super had given us new fire safety plans. MIND-FREAK!

I've been out with this dude a couple of times in the last 2 weeks. The pace which I guess we are seeing each other is pretty comfortable. The problem is that during the in-between time when we're not seeing each other, he'll sometimes text me. His favorite thing to text me? ";)" - yep, that'll be it - a smiley faced wink. The first time I got it I thought it was sweet - like, "that's nice, he's thinking of me." The problem is that when I respond via text to his wink - he doesn't get back to me. So then I'm not sure if his cell's in a dead zone or what. So, I guess I find myself in a spot of thinking, "What does the wink mean?" - Thinking of me and that's that? Spurring Text Dialogue? Drunk text? Furthermore, I don't even know this dude's preferred means of communication. Is he just a text man? Or is he an email guy? Maybe he's just winking up a storm to a whole host of chicks in his cell, and responds to the first one to write him back! These are just some of the minutia that can drive NYC women MAD. If I get another smiley face wink on text from this dude, I think I'll throw my phone at the first guy I see. I hate these stupid dating dances. Are we even dating? I don't think so. I have no idea. I have to end it.

Speaking of - This guy came from a Craigslist ad I put up for a movie date one night. I simply wanted to see a movie with someone, and none of my girlfriends would go to "Sweeney Todd" with me. The solo movie trip is also getting pretty old. So I made a post, put it under Women Seeking Men - and within 30 minutes, had like 60 responses. Most of them were perverted responses, yes - but many others seemed like normal enough guys. One never really knows until meeting up, right? I'm currently weeding through the prospectives.

Man - I need some furniture. I had a gentleman-caller over the other night, and I was like, "Would you like to sit on the photograph boxes, or a step stool?" It's just that I'm not seeing anything good or unique - at antique stores or the big stores. I can't yet bring myself to go Scandi and hit IKEA. Plus, I can never put together anything anyway - so the whole assembly thing would be a nightmare. Anyone know of some good places - I'm thinking like warehousey places - to go? There's gotta be something in Brooklyn.

It's only Wednesday, but feels like it should be Friday - but if it were, I'd have to work through the weekend, because in fact - it's only Wednesday. Anyone else feel like this week is just dragging to a halt?

upDATES - downDATES

Blitz of dates recently has me gearing up for the massive Pity Party blowout I'm throwing this weekend...

1) Bland Bob - investment consultant - country club rich - has golf group and poker buddies - has no sense of humor - he loves Maryland and is a Terp, which the Virginian in me finds appalling. next.
2) Earsplitting Nick - from Trenton, NJ - pronounces 'that' as 'dat' - jersey accent harshens throughout night - he drives a Firebird - I pay for everything. next.
3) Hipster Chris - supposed to go watch Chris the DJ spin tomorrow night in Brooklyn... but since I haven't spoken to him since his invite two weeks ago - I don't even want to go.

Yep, it's really sad folks.

Hipster Chris

So, had a date with my first pseudo-hipster the other night:

I was prepared for a guy who wore all black and had a shaved head. I was prepared for a guy who was too cool to laugh at my silly jokes and overall clumsiness. I was prepared for a liberal-minded "philosopher" who wanted to spout off social injustices and 'what's wrong with the media'. I was prepared for a guy who wanted to use his DJ status to showcase his cool and underground music playlist. I was prepared for aloofness, cool factor, and mystery.

The only thing I got that I expected was all black clothes and a shaved head. The rest was actually great.

We spent 4 hours at an E. Village bar - relaying and relating. It was momentous, as this hipster dude and moderately preppy blow-out girl actually had a lot of fun.

Got home around 1am - and he had already written me an email, which was nice. He's invited me to one of his spinning shows next week in Williamsburg. That leaves me just enough time to perfect a red stripe in my hair, buy leggings, and purchase some sort of asymmetrical shirt. Hipster mecca here I come!

Throw Me Over

Last night was Night #1, Dating Anew, 'Back on the Horse"

Subject: Belgian Diamond Importer
Meeting Place: In front of the NYC Public Library, 6:30pm
Destination: outside bar at Bryant Park

Besides me sweating through a blowout in a humid, crowd-infested NYC rush hour traffic - I was excited about this guy - a fix-up first date. I had a picture, and thought he was cute. Also - he was from Belgium, and I like their chocolates.

Shortly into date, Fantasy and Reality Collided. It wasn't pretty.

He looked down on me from his Belgian beak when I ordered a Corona. He told me that he was soon taking a vacation with his on-again-off-again girlfriend. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?! He told me a lot of things. It was horrible - and I was like "Why are we doing this? Why are you on a date at all?" I somehow morphed into his best guy friend or something - where he was telling me the last girls he dated - the soon-to-be-happening fabulous vacation with established lady friend - and asking me for advice. It was weird. We sat there for 2.5 hours. We parted, and I was sooooo relieved.

Wake Up Call

Thursday morning was interesting.

Rubbed open my sleepy eyes at 9:01am. Guess what time I was supposed to be at work? You got it - 9:00am. The instant dread and subsequent crazy-get-ready-don't-forget-to-brush-teeth-oh-man-I'm-not-going-to-be-able-to-get-a-cab-realization mode is such a nightmare.. but not as nightmarish as how I greeted the day...

I woke up fully clothed - a jacket and heels still on. I also had apparently woken up at some point in the night and emptied the ENTIRE contents of my purse and put the various items in my laundry basket. I have no idea why I did this, but I do know that Vodka is responsible.

Let me take you back to Wednesday night. As you may recall, I had a date with yummy Italian. Well, on the way to date - Heather calls me from a uber-hip bar in the Meatpacking District and informs me that her financial firm has rented an outside courtyard at the Gansevoort Hotel and drinks are free. I'm also heading toward my Cannoli date in the Meatpacking District (self-awarded points for using Cannoli and Meatpacking in the same sentence!) - so I swing by to see Heather and have a quick drink to calm dating nerves. I down 2 Stoli/sodas - get an encouraging hug from Heather who's knee deep into her Martini - and head to the SoHo House.

I meet Gianclaudio outside - and we head up to the rooftop... made famous by the 'Sex and the City' episode where Samantha pretends she's a member. Anyway, Gianclaudio and I hang by the pool on a lovely night, with Fleet Week fireworks in full view - and I down 2 more Stoli/sodas. At this point in the night, it's becoming clear that my date wants to find out more about my job than about me. Awesome.

In the past, when I have dated someone in my business, it's never good. They either like the fact that I work for a news network more than they like me - or they want to find out how they can get into a news network. It's all really poor dating form - which is why I rarely date anyone in the news industry anymore. That and the constant ego-stroking if they're on-air. So Ciao Caro, Gianclaudio!

After SoHo date, I head back to meet up with Heather - who's still raiding the Martini Machine at Ono. She's now spinning like a dradle - and I'm happy to be reunited with my silly friend. Her boyfriend has joined us, mostly to protect her from embarrassing herself in front of workmates. I, however, had no boyfriend to rescue me, and embarrassed myself for the both of us - by getting into an inappropriate conversation with the chief partner of her firm. Think Bridget Jones dinner party inapproriate... and yeah - you get it...

Heather had drank about 8 martinis at this point, and her boyfriend definitely wanted some alone time with his star - so he dragged her away from the bar - but not before she slipped a drink-all-night-for-free armband on my wrist! I proceeded to drink the rest of the night with Heather's colleagues... and I'm told I kept introducing myself to the same people. I'm such a dweeb.

I also met the Director of the movie Johnny Montana. I know this only because while fishing my wallet and lipsticks out of my laundry basket - I found a business card from the Director of Johnny Montana. I googled the guy, and yep - that jogged my memory. Guy Here.

Italy in 3D!

Tonight, it's a date at SoHo House with yummy Gianclaudio from Italian TV. I'm so excited, I may just have to sidle up to the cosmetics counter at Macy's for a glammed-up face before I go! Yeah, I'm sometimes really cheap...

Trip The Light Fantastique!

While shaking off day at a bar near work last night - a really cute Frenchman tried to pick me up - insisting he had seen me somewhere before. I waved off his advances until he asked if I had ever lived in Washington. Hiccup.

Anyway, he said he recognized me and he started rattling off DC haunts. I felt like I had made an instant bud. He also played for the DC United (which explained his fantastic physique and gave laughable status to amateur soccer players everywhere). The Frenchman and I talked for a while - and he even suggested restaurants for when Heather and I will be in Paris.

At the end of the night, he walked me home - and near my apartment, when I ran into a bodega for bottled water as part of "Allison's Great Hydration" tour - he bought me 2 bouquets of daisies from the outdoor vendor. On the street, with the flowers in hand, I blushed and gushed. Those Frenchmen are so smooth. Les Romantique!

I gave him my number, and he pledged to take me out for proper champagne one night. The only thing is I can't for the life of me remember his name. I know - it's pathetic, but he only said his name at the beginning of the night - when I was fending off his advances. Anyone know a 31-year-old Frenchman who played for DC United? Beer to the person who googles him first.

Frenchy must've given me my mojo back - because guys at deli across the street kept calling me each other's "girlfriend" on lunch hour romp today. The manager even told me that if I bring a picture of myself in, they'll name a sandwich after me. That would be the ultimate. It would HAVE to be the french dip...

Les Schmoop!

Good idea. Bad idea.

WYE RIVER PEACE SUMMIT
Good idea. Bad idea. Good idea. Bad idea. That was the back-and-forth in my brain for about 1.5 hours last night - during bilateral discussions at a restaurant in the West Village. I asked myself a million times why I was even doing this - sitting at a table with someone who clearly didn't think I was worth the effort when we were dating. Why did I facilitate this meeting? Do I enjoy self-torture? Do I want closure from this guy? Do I need some answers? Do I still have a romantic bend toward him? Do I just want to do the right thing and be friendly and civil and nice? Am I capable of being friends?
I think it was a combo platter of all of the above... but those burning questions pretty much came out like this: "How's your food?" and "Any vacation time coming up?" and "Are you still playing soccer?"
I've really never been good with pink elephants in the room, and last night there were 3 from the Barnum & Bailey circus at Madison Square Garden sitting in our bread basket and pouring our wine. One even helped me take my jacket off.
Departure at the subway was one of those awkward brother hugs. That one act gave me closure... not bankable closure - no - but with this guy, it's clearly all I'm going to get. I walked away knowing that he didn't care about me - didn't want to care about me - and even if he did, I would probably always be up against his limitations. It's all really a shame, because last night - for the first time - I realized and admitted to myself that I had fallen for him 6 months ago. Yeah, it hurt that bad.
I don't think I can stomach another peace summit right now, so I may just send my Deputy Secretary to the next meeting.
BACK ON THE HORSE
After the summit, I had plans to meet UN guy I'd been out on a date with earlier in the week. He's super sweet and nice, and is attentive and attractive. It's funny, because he just looks like a West Village guy... shaggy, soft hair - cool jeans - deconstructed blazer. I can't describe it - but I think he'd look out of place in another neighborhood. Anyway, I probably ruined the date with my mood, but he was accommodating and nice - and while internally, I was whooping it up at a my own pity party - I just wanted to be around someone accommodating and nice. He succeeded in putting a smile on my face before I headed home.
BRAIN BREAK
I need some time away from my life right now - to sit with myself and shake some feelings. And I need hugs more than anything.

Diplomacy

SHUTTLE BUG
As mentioned in a previous post, shuttle diplomacy with guy that pulled "The Fadeaway" in November has yielded a unilateral agreement to meet. And tonight, bilateral talks are expected to resume for the first time in 5 months. I've thought a lot about what the outcome should be of such a high-level meeting. Here are my objectives:
1) To re-establish dialogue
2) To re-assert my own commitment to dialogue
3) To throw a drink in his face
Just kidding on #3. Truth is, I have a lot of feelings going into this meeting: very trepidacious, a little nervous, and excited. In short, I'm a mess.
*I so wish my girlfriends and others that believe in me would hide in a bathroom at the restaurant - checking my moods at every "bathroom break" and preventing me from drinking too much (because I tend to really throw 'em back when I'm nervous).
**Fitting that this is all happening Friday the 13th. It has all the makings of a disaster

Dates & Figs

SUITS & SUCKERS - SWEETIES & MEANIES
I've had some hilarious and heart-wrenching dates the past several years as a single girl with the world as her oyster. Laughed endlessly with girls a couple nights ago regaling... some of them too funny not to pen. From the official "Sucks and the City" vault:
1) Went on one date with a seemingly normal pharmaceutical sales rep when I first moved to NYC. He said he had started his own business, which had nothing to do with pharmaceutical sales. When I inquired, he told me trapeze. No joke. I walked the tight-wire outta there - but got a business card just to make sure he was for real.
2) Went to first date dinner with a suit in DC - who couldn't stop talking about how important his lobbying job was, and how much he made. He also suggested an inappropriate ending to our evening, which hit the turn-off tilt. So when he excused himself to the restroom, I ordered one of the most expensive bottles of wine, watched the waiter cork it, took a sip, and left.
3) Lived with a guy and he broke up with me over email when I was working overnight shifts covering the War in Iraq. Thus, "Shock and Awe" campaign became "Shock and Ouch" campaign. Awesome times.
4) Have gone out with guys who have wanted to learn guitar, guys who play guitar in bands, and guys who teach guitar. Needless to say, I've plucked that supportive string.
5) When I was in college, one guy even serenaded me with a song he said he wrote for us... and I can remember not knowing where to stare. "Do I look at him? Do I look at the ground? Do I look at the guitar?" The uncomfortable factor hit a high note, and days later - the band broke up.
6) Once seriously Bridget Jones'd it during a date. I was crazy about a guy named Bill - so crazy, that I needed half a bottle of wine beforehand to settle nerves. Ended horribly - him fleeing my apartment because he just wasn't over his past girlfriend. You would have though I would've accepted this unfortunate fact and found peace in it. Well, forget it. I chased him down a DC street around midnight - screaming at him to come back - too tipsy for ANY SORT of self respect. He fumbled quickly for his car keys as I approached, and peeled off. I apologized in an email the next day. He accepted apology but probably blocked my email after that.
7) One blind date guy this past summer gave me a serious complex when we met for coffee - he excused himself to the bathroom - and upon returning to table, excused himself out of there. What's worse - random guy sitting next to me leaned over and said "That was rude." Thanks.
*Aside: Shortly afterwards, called a girlfriend to get sympathy - but got none as she informed me that she dumped herself - over the phone and at work, because her boyfriend at the time didn't have the nerve to do it himself. I still remember that day like it was yesterday, standing on a street in Harlem on a hot summer day - talking to my friend who had just broken up with herself - laughing hysterically at the pathetic nature of our lives.
8) First real boyfriend from college was Greek, and whenever he started fighting with me in Greek - I mocked his native tongue back... a very childish move, I admit - but it succeeded in making us a modern day Lucy & Ricky, which is kind of amusing.
9) Ran into a NBC editor at the gym I had dated years ago. He walked right up to me and said, "Allison Browne - you look amazing. How are you?" I beamed at the pull-up bars and quickly entertained a dating reunion... which was just as quickly dashed when he said "I'm great - got married, bought a place, and we're now expecting a baby!!" I was like, "Of course you are! My life sucks."
10) Dated a guy long distance who needed to "find himself" - spurring our subsequent break-up. Well, he found himself soon moving to my area - and he found himself a new girlfriend too - also in my area. That was awesome. Think he's still finding himself - as he's moved again, and moved out of another relationship.
11) Most romantic award goes to Sid of NZ. I met him in front of the White House on a crisp Spring day... which in retrospect, was one of the most romantic moments throughout our entire relationship. The rest was arguing and arduous circumstances, and Allison being her usual stubborn and impatient self.
12) Picked up a Air Force guy during Fleet Week in NYC... I picked him up because I had made it my purpose to pick up an Armed Forces guy during Fleet Week. Therefore, he became forever known as "Aim High."
HEARTFELT ADVICE
Some pretty great advice has come from all these dating twists and tumbles, turns and yearns:
1) My college friend Ryan once told me that you should be over your last boyfriend (or girlfriend) by the time the last movie you saw together as a couple at the theater - starts showing on HBO. Great benchmark.
2) "When in Hell, keep moving." My favorite, and obvious nod to Churchill.
3) "Stop thinking about him, because I can promise you - he's not thinking about you."
4) "Old Yeller was a good dog, until he went mad and we had to shoot him. We were all sad for a while, but it wasn't before long until we learned to love puppies again. You will too."