Quitting

I had a pretty big moment today - or at least it was big for me. I passed a trash can and tossed half a pack of cigarettes away. A night out on the town usually means I dip into the tabs again - and since I pretty much go out every night - I'm now dipping into the tabs a lot. I got a dressing down on the subject from my trainer, Sonja last night... and I really have nothing to negate her on.

Anyway, quitting will be very difficult for me. I've got an stressful job - and I party a lot. But I've never felt the desire to really stop until now. This effort is going to take a lot of work - and I need my friends. I'll need tough love - like grabbing my lighter and throwing it down the sewer, like breaking a cigarette from my mouth and spitting in my face, like crumpling up the brand new box that I have bought and stomping on it. Yes, I will need my friends.

I will need friends with wills of steel - when I try to twist their words and manipulate their moods so that I can light up guilt-free. I will need sneaky friends who follow me to the ATM - running RECON to make sure money is all I take out. I will need a workout buddy besides Sonja to make sure that I'm always active - or have an active plan. I will need friends with children to be around me constantly, so that I don't fall to the urge. I will need random emails of support. This will pretty much be the hardest thing I've ever done.