So, I've been on a quest to get some really amazing pieces of unique and beautiful furniture for my newish apartment... and as a result, I'm on Craigslist more than anyone should be. And in doing so, I've noticed the lackluster salesmanship of Craigslist posters:
If someone posts that something is "comfy" - that means it has no padding left in the upholstery.
If someone posts "great deal" - it means it's not a great deal.
If someone posts "like new" - it means it's old and desperation has taken hold.
If someone posts "futon" - don't even explore it.
If someone posts "antique" - they live in Belmar, NJ.
If someone posts "it doesn't fit in my new apartment" - it means they've upgraded from their college tastelessness, and want to unload a papasan chair.
If someone posts the adjective "awesome" - they're flat-out lying.
If someone posts "like leather" - they're cheap... and you should feel compelled to low-ball them in everyway possible if you fall in love with the piece... in which case, you should get your head checked because no one should like "like leather."
If someone posts something "wicker" or "rattan" - just go to Pier 1 and buy it yourself.
"Leather office chair" means ugly, corporate, and lifeless.
If someone posts a "chaise" - it means they didn't sell the whole sectional.
If someone posts "free delivery" - the item is worthless.
If someone posts "recliner" - they mean La-Z-Boy.
If someone posts "Large Executive Desk" - chances are you'll be picking it up from Bear Stearns.
If someone posts "Vintage" - you'll be picking up from hipster-ville LES.
"Minor scratches" means a cat has clawed the life out of it.
"Murphy Bed" means it won't fit through your front door.
If someone posts "IKEA" - they mean halogen lamp.
If someone posts "Free" - they mean hideous. Case in point:
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