upDATES - downDATES

Blitz of dates recently has me gearing up for the massive Pity Party blowout I'm throwing this weekend...

1) Bland Bob - investment consultant - country club rich - has golf group and poker buddies - has no sense of humor - he loves Maryland and is a Terp, which the Virginian in me finds appalling. next.
2) Earsplitting Nick - from Trenton, NJ - pronounces 'that' as 'dat' - jersey accent harshens throughout night - he drives a Firebird - I pay for everything. next.
3) Hipster Chris - supposed to go watch Chris the DJ spin tomorrow night in Brooklyn... but since I haven't spoken to him since his invite two weeks ago - I don't even want to go.

Yep, it's really sad folks.

AllisonLand

BREAKING NEWS
Met a really cute guy last night on the UWS. His name's Rob. We split a cab after the bar, and I could kinda tell he was a little sweet on me. Anyway, he asked me for my number - which I watched him punch into his phone. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and jumped out of the cab. I had perma-grin for like 10 blocks. That is, until I got to my stop and discovered he accidentally left his cell phone behind. Great. Now he'll never call me. This is so Allisonland typical.
PINHEAD
The weird sadness didn't stop there, my friend. Oh no. While walking home, I dipped into a neighborhood bar to just say hello to my favorite bartender, Barry. I sat down, he greeted me and we started catching up. There were only about 5 people in the bar - but there was a lot of activity surrounding one patron. I played video trivia while other people were taking pictures with this random bald dude. Then I think I recognized him. Yep, washed-up-has-been-former-MTV-VeeJay-from-the-90's Matt Pinfield!
All I remember is that he was the dweeb who knew everything about every band. This observation became fact as I watched him sing every single word to obscure songs from the jukebox. He eventually plopped down beside me - probably to find out why I wasn't clamoring all over him like the rest of the broads in the joint. I acted like I had no idea who he was - and you know what? That made him want to date me! He was all over me - and Barry and I shared about a million this-is-hilarious are-you-seeing-what-I'm-seeing glances. Anyway, Matt Pinfield asked for my number, and folks - I may seriously have a date soon with him. Hilarious. Get your music trivia ready people - because Stump Pinfield is so in order!

Boys DO Make Passes At Girls Who Wear Glasses!

Just bought some new glasses, and since the whole pink eye-ogre fiasco - I've decided to give my eyeballs a break from contacts and wear the frames more. Well, besides giving the appearance that my IQ has shot up a solid 20 points, it's also apparently made me quite fetching. While out last night - doing really nothing special except hitting some neighbhorhood bars - I was paid 5 compliments from different fellas. I'm now contemplating buying like 8 different frames.

Italy in 3D!

Tonight, it's a date at SoHo House with yummy Gianclaudio from Italian TV. I'm so excited, I may just have to sidle up to the cosmetics counter at Macy's for a glammed-up face before I go! Yeah, I'm sometimes really cheap...

Loud French

LOUD
Taking advantage of the awesome weather - and days off of work - Daniela and I decided to eat lunch street-side at Sarabeth's on the UWS. The place was packed, but we did end up scooping one of the five outside tables. A lovely lunch until a middleaged couple sat next to us. As we gabbed, the woman says to Daniela, "Excuse me, could I ask you to please lower your voice?" I was shocked, and pissed - and I half-wanted to turn to the woman and say, "Can I ask you to turn down your outfit?" because the shade of bright turquois was as damaging as the sun and I didn't have any SPF that could protect me from that mess. As we left, Daniela said under her breath, "I hope you choke on your lunch." She's all class. We spent the rest of the afternoon combating strollers, and elbowing people through stores. Not really relaxing.
AU REVOIR
I broke things off with Frenchy last night, in a really nice way I might add - and he was so pissed at me upon parting that he actually said, "Well, I wouldn't want to date you long-term anyway, because you're a smoker and I don't date smokers." I was like - what?? Nice table-turning, buddy - and you're from FRANCE - where Le Phillipe Morriset is eating a beignet at any sidwalk cafe. Anyway, Frenchy's become The Patch for me. Or The Jerk. I "netted" a real loser. Story of my life.

HERE WE GO!

Hello all. Or you. Or just me.
First time blogger here, and I'm ready to rock out with the random!

The fellas were in from DC last night - and I'm still recovering. Went to Marie's Crisis - where my liver actually had an out of body experience, floating high above fantastic looking men in fierce Burberry scarves.

But my liver didn't see the light - and the God of Gay told it to return to my body and shape up... which I completely ignored. Pix from the wild night below:

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To other randomness - hoping to secure time and date for Wye River peace summit with boy that I was dating 2 weeks ago - but since then - he has apparently become a conjoined twin surgeon at refugee camps around the world. That's the only logical explanation one can make because he has dropped off the face of the earth. In fact peace summit may not even happen - as I believe it's easier to convince Hezbollah to disarm and open a stationery shop in Chelsea. Somewhere right now - there is a troll who used to chase me down with gigantic, glaring red flags who is chuckling indeed...

In other news, met a bonafide mover-and-shaker gazillionaire for drinks the other night, and his story was truly inspiring. At one point, my mind gave chase to the idea of him being my life coach. If you too want him to be your life coach - catch his blog at www.fabricegrinda.com